Good morning Beloved! I have an amazing opportunity coming up that I wanted to share with you. Although, it is a hard subject to speak about, I believe it needs to spoken about! Especially, now with all of the human trafficking news breaking.
When I was 5ish, maybe 6 I was sexually abused. Unfortunately, that is all too common as I have never actually met a woman, that I know of, that has not been molested as a young girl. Anyhow, it was a one time incident for me but it left me with MANY lifetime scars. At the time, I didn’t understand what was happening, or that it was even wrong which is a really weird thing to say, but it’s true. All I remember thinking was “this is strange that this man is butt booty naked in the doorway, but I have to go potty so I will walk passed him nonchalantly.” Looking back now I am blown away at the fact that I didn’t scream, or cry, or yell for help. But why would I? I was a young innocent girl that didn’t know any better. As far as I knew, this man had no bad intentions. He just had some weird behaviors like hanging out naked in doorways, kissing little girls on the toilet, and more sinister motives that I discovered later the same evening.
But again, instead of crying out for help, I just laid there pretending to sleep because I didn’t know how else to react. It was many months before I told my mom what happened. And actually, it was through a conversation she overheard with another child and myself that she found out. A young boy in my apartment complex was about to testify in court against a very bad man that had abused him. He was explaining to me innocently what had happened and I said yeah I know about that because it happened to me too. My mom of course wigged out and started the questioning, as any other mother would after hearing that. But I got scared at that point, thinking I had done or said something wrong and clammed up.
I did eventually open up to my mom and told her the story of that horrible night in which my innocence was stolen. She made a report and investigators came to my kindergarten class and questioned me. The months following the report, I recanted and changed my story a few times so it was difficult for anyone to get the clear answers they needed. But I knew what had happened and just wanted to forget it and move on with my life as normally as possible.
So when I was asked to testify against the naked doorway man, I declined. I was too fearful to face him in a room. Now that I knew and understood the depth of evil that was forced upon me that night, it was too much for me to process. In fact, I was so petrified of this man that when my mother went to confront him (he denied it of course) I curled up in a ball under the dashboard of our car as my mom beat on his chest screaming. I didn’t want to see him and I sure as heck didn’t want him seeing me!
Well, thankfully there was another little girl that was courageous enough to get up in court and tell her story. She was actually the same little girl that was sleeping next to me on that bedroom floor a year earlier. She had been abused by this man since she was 2 years old and no one ever suspected a thing. He was a “good friend” of the family that always made himself available to “watch” the kids while the parents worked. I regretted that the same thing happened to another girl, I also regretted not being brave enough to give my testimony in court to help put him away. I am, however so grateful she was.
37 years later, God has given me another opportunity to see justice served on the evil man that abused us so many years ago! I received a voicemail last week from a prosecutor that is currently attempting to keep the evil man locked up in the state hospital that he is trying to get out of. The attorney’s office tracked me down and asked me if I am willing to testify to the events that occured that evening. As I was listening to the voicemail and heard the man’s name, I broke down. I began to weep uncontrollably. I didn’t even know why I was reacting that way. I never thought I would be affected like that by just hearing his name. But that’s all it took. I couldn’t even finish listening to the recording. I composed myself and asked my husband to listen and pass on the details of the message. And when I returned that call, my response was “heck yes! I will help in any way I can!” Thank you Jesus for second chances!
With one name, I fell apart. But, you know what I realized? With One Name, I was completely restored! Hallelujah! His name is Jesus! And because of Him, I am now brave and courageous and can get up on a stand and testify in order that no other little girls will be hurt by him again. I am no longer fearful of his face, because I have looked upon the face of my Savior and know, without a doubt that He is with me wherever I go! Amen?! I fly out next week to testify before a jury and I pray they find him guilty to the worst degree and he NEVER has an opportunity to get out again!
If you have been abused in any way, as a child or as an adult, I am so very sorry. It is always a great tragedy to have your innocence stripped away from you or your consent stolen from you. Please know that there is a God in Heaven who loves you! And that He didn’t allow this horrible thing to happen to you. It was the free will choice of an evil person. And Jesus died to set you free from that bondage. He wants to heal all that yucky brokenness and make you whole! All you have to do is accept the free gift of Salvation and ask Him to come abide in you and you in Him as your Lord and Savior! I love you Beloved! Until next time…
BE BLESSED!!!
